Familiarity
by JaneIsles
Summary: Lydia is back and Cuddy doesn't like what she sees... House/Lydia & House/Cuddy


Familiarity

Nearly three months passed since he returned from rehab and with being back to the hospital without his license, there's not much to do for him. To his mind. Following Foreman's orders isn't exactly what he'd planned to do at any time.

He walks through the hall, glad that Cuddy isn't around to remind him of the fact that he still owes her an incredible amount of clinic hours, but despite that, there isn't much going on here. There are hardly any patients waiting and he's quite positive that, whoever is on-call, will be able to take care of him without him being around.

It became late and although he's got no clue what time it is, he realizes that it became dark outside. He doesn't mind going home since there'll only be Wilson waiting for him and even though he's been a dear friend all this time, he's not in the mood for his company tonight.

He approaches to Cuddy's office, realizing that there aren't many people around either and watches her. Her head is bowed down, a letter in her hands. He watches her reading and takes a few steps back so she won't see him whenever she might look up.

Since his return, there wasn't much of a personal conversation between them and a part of him asks whether they'd ever been a sane one between them even before he went to Mayfield. He never told her about the hallucination about them having sex and he never asked Wilson whether he told her the truth. A part of him doubts that she knows it because she never said a single word. And what should he say? Burst into her office and tell her he'd hallucinated that they'd sex and that he obviously wanted it so badly that he thought it was real? That didn't strike him as the right thing to do. Some things changed while he had himself admitted. Even if it hadn't been just a fantasy, yelling it through the hospital wasn't the best thing to do either.

He missed Cuddy during the first weeks of rehab, but he changed too. Maybe it was time to move on in some way. Whatever happened or will happen between him and Cuddy will never be entirely over, but he managed to open up to someone else and that is something he never imagined himself being capable of after the break-up with Stacy. He couldn't even do that with Cuddy but that's probably the result of the fact that she knew him to well.

When he met Lydia, things changed. She fascinated him wither her presence and her gentle behavior. She was soft but she knew what she wanted. She accepted him the way he is and, in contrast to him, she showed her emotions which is a thing he still has to learn. She made him feel alive and more comfortable with himself. She broke his defenses and when they'd sex, it felt like the most astonishing thing in a real long time. But it'd also been painful. It showed him that he can do many things if he only wants to do them and it became clear that he's able to open himself up emotionally to someone else. Despite everything he ever pretended to be, he's not a cold-hearted man. To finally realize that was a good thing but it wasn't painless. And even after that night and those common moments, without having the slightest idea how it'll go on, it hadn't been awkward the next day. He saved her best friend and he's not entirely sure if he just did it for the girl. She wasn't officially his patient but her case made him curious and in the back of his head, he always knew that Lydia would be around her sooner or later and that's what he appreciated even more. When he managed to solve her case and bring back the music in her life, Lydia was so amazed that she cried, relieved that there was finally someone who helped her and there wasn't a single wish to judge her actions in any way. It made him happy to see her happy and it felt good.

He liked the feeling of the fact that he did a good thing for another person, not medically but as a human.

He liked Lydia a lot. He didn't know what he thought when he came to her house but in the end he was glad that he did so. At least he knows the truth and that she's gone. He had no idea that she had a family and children but the way she acted on the porch told him that it's not really what she wanted. If there hadn't been anyone else, House was sure she would've stayed. If it'd worked out in the end was another question but deep inside he knows that he would've been willing to give it a chance. If he really wanted it and if his feelings have been true is something he wasn't completely sure about. What if it wasn't a way to get over everything that happened between Cuddy and him? He couldn't say that for sure, but he was willing to give it a try and he'd lie to say that it didn't hurt when he saw her crying. Telling him good-bye with nothing to do about it.

Ever since he faced Cuddy, he had this heavy feeling inside of his chest. There's still a part of him that needs to get over Lydia and the other one that tries to decide what to do. Tell her the truth about the hallucination and risk to appear like a fool and tell her that he met someone else? There wasn't a single moment in these last three months that presented him the opportunity to bring it up. It's not like they're used to have casual conversations about private stuff and that he'll tell her about a woman he met while having coffee with his boss during lunchtime. That's not how it works. Although it's not really her business, he sometimes feels like she should know it. It's not like he thinks to tell her that because he wants to bother her with it but because he thinks that she deserves to know the truth.

He decides to drop it for tonight and turns around and suddenly everything changed. From a distance, he thinks to see the woman he never expected to see again. She approaches slowly and he notices that she's as insecure as she's nervous and he doesn't know what to do and remains where he is. He's not sure what to think about her return, not knowing if she's actually back. Long hidden feelings crawl up again and he immediately enjoys the feeling that she used to give every minute they spent with each other. But just as he tried to cope with it, she comes back and makes it all undone. And what if Cuddy sees her? He's a grown up man and he can do whatever he likes, but their common history makes him believe that it wouldn't be right. It caught him off guard and he's left speechless.

"Hey," she says softly when she stands right in front of him and bits her lip. He avoids to meet her eyes for the beginning but notices that she looks tired. He eyes appear to be a little red and shiny and something tells him that she cried right before she brought up enough courage to enter the hospital.

"I never thought I'd see you again," he says more to himself.

"Neither did I," she answers silently and turns her head aside.

"What about -" he begins but she cut him off.

"I never left," she tells him. "I just couldn't leave. Don't ask me why, I just didn't have the strength and although I have no idea what this might be about and how things might turn out, I couldn't leave," she says and he's speechless for a moment. There's a trace of despair in her voice.

She hugs herself and bits her lip again, a silent tear running down her cheek. He can't help but feel sorry for her. She'd been there for him when he needed someone by his side and now it's his turn to give some comfort. He lays a hand on her arm and softly drags her closer and although she still pauses, she gives in and he lays his arms around her, her head on his shoulder.

He closes his eyes, inhales her scent and remembers the moments they shared and how much he appreciated it. Deep inside, he feels the soothing aspect she still seems to have on him and he feels her relax in his arms, her body softly shaking while the tears silently run down her cheeks and all he wanted was to get out of the hospital to take her somewhere else. He knows that he wants to be with her. She said it herself. Just like her, he's got no idea how this will end up but maybe it doesn't matter for once.

It was then that Cuddy finally looked up from her letter and spotted them in the hall. At first she thinks to see someone else, but on second glance she's sure that it's House embracing a woman she never saw before. She always thought she knows all his friends since his friendships are based on Wilson and herself and this woman isn't Stacy. She slowly stands up and approaches to the door of her office, carefully not to be seen. There's something about the image in front of her that she doesn't like.

There's a sting in her heart when she notices the subtleness and the familiarity in this embrace and the fact that she'd seen him hug someone like this only once. And that was the woman he truly loved with all her heart.

She doesn't know what happened to him during rehab and she's not even entirely sure about everything that happened before he finally admitted that he's got a problem, but what she knows is that she doesn't like what she sees. Many times she wished that he would hold her like this only that it was reserved to someone else. She feels empty when she watched him taking the woman's hand. Her face is wet from the tears he shed and it feels like a slap in the face when he takes her hand to lead her out of the hospital.

And this time she doubts that she actually wants to hear about the things that happened to him during the past months because she'll end up hurt, no matter what.


End file.
